Insight 102

Recommended Source: A survival guide to Parental Alienation 2022 by Parental Alienation UK

Custody battles should be avoided where possible.  Contemporary research and evidence points towards the many benefits of shared parenting including in high conflict.   Conventional thinking of bias for one parent is not in the children's best interest.  Good enough parents get caught up in battles and whether its a mum or dad lose contact and connection when once close bonds existed. This is one of the indicators it's not estrangement and will be some degree of intentional or unintentional parental alienation.

 Children do not suddenly reject parents.  Any child who seemingly 'rejects' a parent in the way alienated children do, is displaying extremely unusual behaviour which is inconsistent with the normal-range functioning of the child's attachment system
(source: Parental Alienation UK 2022)

As a parent take the leadership on recognise these signs and excuses of estrangement are not valid due to the occasional normal range emotions or differences children have with parents.  Where there were strong attachments be prepared to pick up early 

 When you first experience rejection from a much loved child or grandchild, with whom you previously enjoyed a close loving relationship, it's inevitable that you'll struggle to make sense of what's happening ...................Experiencing parental alienation for the first time can leave you emotionally dumbstruck.
(source: Parental Alienation UK 2022) (www.parentalalienationuk.info)

Children usually cope and get past occasional comments when parents go through the throws of divorce however this does not necessarily transpire to the sort of rejection seen with parental alienation.  Being aware will help you to remember not to voice your differences to the children..  Sometimes you have to stand against legal or expert opinions who propose strategies of bias for one parent to avoid the onset of parental alienation.  This is difficult to do when emotions are high.  

Keeping the children's best interest at heart in divorce is a co-parent's responsibility and protecting their attachments to each parent ensures they have stability and flourish irrespective of the divorce.  The importance of keeping children's 'emotional homes' intact starts with divorcing parents pro-actively willing to cooperate and compromise for healthy co-parenting and getting the help they need to overcome natural high emotions linked with divorce especially if there is significant conflict and communication issues.

Families with two homes, two families and stable attachments remain grounded post-divorce so children are not adversely effected.  

The adjustments needed for shred parenting logistically and parenting styles to move towards co-parenting do settle and it's worth putting that time and effort as it causes less harm to children versus loss of emotional attachments. It limits the chances of an insidious path developing causing any level of parental alienation.